Kings Arms.

Home Venue: Kings Arms, Deptford, Sunderland.

Ken Wilkinson has kindly provided the following article about the the from the Kings Arms......

We make no apology for quoting from our squad anthem, sung to celebrate victories - it’s not used much.

Some of them are hairy,
Some of them are bald.
Some are kinda scary
And this is what they’re called....

The Kings Arms Quiz Team.

Others claim to be the last ones to leave. Ask yourself one question. Who are the first ones to start?

GENESIS:

The birth of a quiz team.

Bazza had a dream. For too long, he had dwelt on past glories, on the roaring successes he had enjoyed as a young man playing the Quiz League. He longed to form his own squad.

One wild, stormy night. Ken was wandering past the pub when he heard a ‘Psst!’ from the darkness. A seductive voice offered him fame, fortune and riches beyond avarice if only he took the Bazza shilling, and signed up. Look what happened. People cross the street to avoid being asked the capital of Mongolia. Even the cat avoids him, but not for the same reason. He’d only popped out for an Echo!

Not wanting to be left alone in this enterprise, he spoke to Andy, who was looking down a hole in the road at the time. Being rendered deaf by the traffic noise, and the gentle calling of charvers one to another, he obviously misunderstood the question. He uncomprehendingly agreed.

Ernie Royal was doing a stocktake, and decided that there were one or two items that were cluttering up the shelves in the back shop. Baz, having an eye for a bargain reckoned that anything with a pulse would improve the quality in the side, agreed to take Robbo and Bill. And bargain it was! He struck a BOGOF deal. Baza was delighted. Ernie just smiled.

Tony Robson turned up one night. He’d got confused, and was on his way to a bowls game, took a wrong turning and finished in the wrong queue. An easy mistake. Once you’re in, it’s easier to escape the clutches of the French Foreign Legion than desert our team. Only death can...no, scratch that, I’ve just looked around me.

Alex was enjoying a quiet pint in the Nash. He felt the crunch as a sock full of sand collided with his skull. He woke to a voice saying. ‘Wrong! Pass it over for a point’. He was chained to a galley bench in the Kings Arms. There he will remain until he gets something right.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Squad:

Barry Lane (Skipper)

Beneficiary of our positive discrimination policy, he hails from Doncaster (you see what I mean), Baz rules the team with an iron hand. His knees are not too clever either. Keen to get to grips with the more delicate things in life, though his luck’s been right out lately. Our mountain (yes, I’ve spelled it right!), expert, there’s nothing anyone can tell him about Tunstall Hill or Penshaw. This man is a colossus!

Bill Cowan

Belonging to an exotic religious sect, Bill (or Councillor Trent as he is jokingly known among the lads. We do like a laugh) He is widely read. The Beano, the Dandy, Dr Seuss, Jackie. All are taken in his stride. A smile, a song and a banjo is his motto, and he frequently leads us in a rousing chorus of ‘The Sash My Father Wore’. Our Geography man, Bill regularly treks from the Nash to the Kings just to keep his navigational hand in.

Ken Wilkinson

Recruited because of his age, he has contributed enormously to our quota. Coming up to his ninety-fifth birthday, it’s coincidental that his IQ is exactly half this figure. Prides himself of knowing absolutely nothing about football, SAFC in the nineteen thirties being his apotheosis of ignorance. A Hendon lad, he insists on keeping his coal in the bath and peeing on his back wall, and anyone elses for that matter. Read a book once. Green it was.

Tony Robinson

We welcome Robbo back from his missionary work among the heathen north of Hadrians Wall. An expert on birds (we’ve read the graffiti), he can be relied on to spot the difference between a shitehawk and a small brown job. Invaluable! Possesses a wide range of knowledge, and able to cover all subjects from A to B. Also a fish lover, he recommends a bit of skate when out on the briny.

Alex Connifey

Eyes down, look in. It’s Alex! Our newest member. Again, being he meets our minority profile, as he is probably the closest one to normal in the team. He has wide range of knowledge, being very strong on obscure languages. Unmatched in the arcane patois of Housey-Housey, he is the only one who can differentiate his two little ducks from his Kelly’s eye. Useful when you’re visiting the doctor. Working north of the Tyne, he acts as our fifth column in magland.

Tony Robson

The Kings’ own version of Reuters. Tony ensures that messages are passed speedily and in a firm, strong voice, no matter their accuracy, to Control in the form of Baz. A vital service which has brought the team all of the success that it has enjoyed to date. Has a thirst for knowledge, and has an unrivalled grasp of the milk rounds of Grindon and Thorney Close, ASDA and its place in the history of bread making and the car parks of Sunderland. Also well acquainted with The Clangers, Hong Kong Fooey and the collected works of Hanna- Barbara. Our William Wordsworth expert. A star!

Andy Abbott (Question Master).

A man who really knows how many beans make 5.2439. Yes,he does sums. Andy has raised discursive question asking to an art form. The place is often resonant with the sound of snoring before he is halfway through a question. Using advanced engineering techniques, Andy has prevented the Skipper’s chair from giving way under the strain. He is a welcome correspondent with the public utilities, and knows Roger the Spy. He is a paraclete of punctuation, an apostle of the apostrophe.

They also serve:

Arthur Carter

Our artist in residence, Arthur can out - Leonardo Mr. da Vinci, particularly if the question is about the Dulux colour chart. Possessor of an eccentric haircut, his equally quirky fashion sense has been known to stop traffic. Carry on taking the embalming fluid, Lenin.

Simon Elliott

Our team medic, Simon keeps us in good nick, regularly rubbing us down (there’s a word for it) with Natalie the barmaid (we wish), and offering such good advice as ‘I wouldn’t if I were you,’ ‘You did it with THAT?’ and ‘Try limping’. This man has caused depredations matched only by our own Dr. Shipman.

The only blot on the landscape is the hearing loss creeping up on most of us. (INTERJECTION BY THE EDITOR: I wouldn't worry unduly about this gents - just ask the lovely Natalie to turn the telly down a bit on match nights!). While we recognise that some of it is selective, we will be trying to recruit someone familiar with signing to avoid the regular confusion over words such as luck, shot and canny. The has lead to some discomfort in the past.

Museum Vaults.

Home Venue: Ashbrooke Sports and Social Club, Sunderland.

Team Captain: Jonathan Everett.

Meet the Feckers (as supplied by Dave Taylor).

Ian Richardson (The Geek) – A welcome returnee to regular quizzing whose strengths are military history, computing (though he’ll deny it) and The Simpsons. All sports answers are limited to “Matthews, Bradman and Red Rum”.

Steve Martin (Two Brains) – One half of the Ashbrooke’s renowned youth policy, Steve’s presence now means that the team is able to answer correctly some questions on popular culture post 1990.

Jonathan Everett (Tyneside Mackem) – The second part of the youth policy, Jon is in his second season as skipper (the buck stops with him). His knowledge of ornithology, local history and, remarkably, the courses of the rivers of Great Britain is profound.

Mike Arnold (The Hairy Celt) - Martinet of a question master and provider of the highest number of impossible questions on classical music (the League should be glad of good editorship). His rare forays as a player send terror through the minds of his team mates.

Jim Clark (The Smooth Celt) – The “Halliwell” of the side. Be sure not to miss his unique pre-match ritual – Mr. Adamsez beware! Jim is one of those all rounders of which every team is envious.

Bill Eddy (Barrow boy) – The second and larger all rounder, Bill is the fount of Quiz League anecdotes and surely the only local quiz player to have dined with Philip Larkin. He does have a blind spot on the famous battles of the Crimean war.

Dave Taylor (Lord Howard of Effingham) – Self-styled clown prince of trivia, Dave is the longest serving quiz player in the Ashbrooke team. Art, literature, history and the cinema seem to be totally beyond him even after all those years.